sweet tea (nothingweknow) wrote,
sweet tea
nothingweknow

I miss being amazed. I miss that youthful, gleeful excitement when a band rolls through town or when a movie is about to open. That feeling of if now then never. When everything had a price tag of "at any cost, by any means"; and I was willing to pay it.

I have felt love. I have broken hearts and had my heart broken. I've cheated and been cheated on. I have been guilty and wrongly accused. I have been shamed and proud. I have been in car wrecks, been shot at, had people try to stab me, been in fist fights, I've won and lost sporting events, been flat fucking broke and have had more money than I know what to do with, stayed up for days sober and altered. Slept for days with opium dreams. Made mistakes, lost money misplaced my keys and values. I've been the life of the party and a party of one. I've went for a midnight swims in the ocean, and traveled to places I care not to remember. I've held sharks. I know how to clean and cut animals. I have won how smart are you (engineering awards). I have built hovercrafts. I have ran from the cops and got away. I have spent nights in jail. I've walked my son into his class. Held him when he was scared or sad and felt the need to kill his nightmares. I have walked the ledge 34 floors off the ground. Meet famous and/or rich people.

Nothing amazes me anymore. Nothing a person I know can do or say shocks me. The government are crooks, the environment is shit and everyone you can think of as would trade you off for a nice house in the hills.

After everything I've seen and been through, I just want to be left alone. I'm tired of having conversations I have had before. I'm tired of doing things I have done before. I'm tired of it being left up to me. I want to be amazed again.
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