sweet tea (nothingweknow) wrote,
sweet tea
nothingweknow

The Dwarves said it best When they said "fuck the world, I will deny you".

No more than two cans a day, step aside I have long days.

No more than 4 doses a day, step aside I feel like my arms have been ripped off.


The pain plays games up and down my spine.  Tempting and daring me to move, just waiting for me to move in an unapproved way.  The difference between here and there is that I can literally see what's coming.  I can see me when my health begins to fail.  I can see me when my hearing begins to fail.  I can see me when my heart hurts with too many beats.  Smack me in the skull, I'm still standing in line. 

I'm not good at anything else.  I don't want to be good at anything else.  I have a visual memory of what is to come for me.  I'm still here.  I know that with in a couple years I won't be able to feel anything with my hands.  I know that a few years after that I won't be able to see very well because of dust that cuts my eyes.  After that my heart will give out from over use.  I'll get dizzy when my pulse breaks 80. 

You know what I'm sick of hearing, is about how if you want a nice house and to be able to provide then you better be sitting in a classroom somewhere.  As if understanding and accepting the fact that you're not an office person is a character flaw.  I'm a shop guy, I always have been.  I grew up in an area where every driveway had a pick up truck sitting in it.  

At the age 13 I won three state awards for mechanical designs.  From then on I won only  16 more until I dropped out of high school.  I work everyday.  I work when I cough up blood (literally).  I work with 53 stitches in my arm (literally).  And yet I'm still denied that little taste of the American pie. 

Strange how half of me understands and well the other is ready to burn this whole idea down.  My grandparents picked cotton they were natives.  My other set were racist and sexist and white.  Guess who got to take a big old bite out of America and who died in a "mobile home community"?

 

I guess I have more in common with illegals than the modern day natives.  I'll sweat bleed and abuse myself all over again the next day just to gain another inch.  However if you want my respect, then you must do the same.

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